At the risk of seeming self-indulgent I am going to spend the next few entries sharing my life’s journey with you. I know when I first read a blog or book, I want to learn about the person who’s writing.  The author’s experience and background matters when I’m considering following someone and allowing them to speak to a specific area of my life.  I want you to know where I’ve been to understand what have to say. I believe our stories shape us, so it’s important for you to know mine.

As you can see from the title, I spent a good part of my life identifying as a wimp.  It’s a bit of an exaggeration because I never actually got ripped, not for lack of trying, but we’ll get there a little farther into the story.  Let’s just say I was one of those kids picked last for any team in school.  I was the skinny girl that made excuses to get out of P.E. and never played an organized sport.  I was the kid who rolled her ankle when I played Red Rover.  I was that girl. 

It became clear to me at a pretty young age that I wasn’t the athletic type, so I became the musical type.  I started playing the flute in the 4^th grade and it quickly became my thing.  Sure, I attempted to branch out a few times; I tried out for cheer in junior high, a truly traumatic experience, and ran a bit in high school, but never succeeded and quickly gave up trying. I stuck with the thing I did well for fear of looking stupid and made it through college doing very little physical activity. 

Then I discovered exercise shows on TV.  Does anyone remember Bodies in Motion with Gilad?  Apparently, the show is celebrating its 30^th Anniversary this year, I think I was probably one of their first viewers.  There I was in my early 20’s working out with Gilad and his bikini babes on the beach.  I was safe from looking stupid because I was at home and no one could tell me I was doing it wrong or laugh at me under their breath. 

I loved how I felt when I moved my body; little did I know the seeds of my future were being planted. 

Fast forward about 15 years.  I’m a wife and stay-home mom who likes going to the gym but doesn’t get there often.  I was one of those moms who would wear her workout clothes to drop off her child at school but never actually made it to the gym.  Not that I had any big pressing work to do, I just put everything and everybody ahead of myself and would simply run out of time. 

When I did make it, I would intently watch the personal trainers to mimic what they were doing with their clients. I wanted to do things right.  I never wanted to risk looking like I didn’t know what I was doing but wouldn’t dare hire a trainer myself.  Not because of the money or commitment, but because I feared not being able to do what they asked me to do. 

I was afraid of looking like a wimp again.  Fear was running my life.  Fear of looking stupid or not doing it right.

But then one of my worst fears came true, and the fear of looking stupid fell away pretty quickly. 

My marriage of 11 years was ending.  I was going to be alone for the first time in my adult life and I was terrified.  And when that happened, the thought of hiring a personal trainer and possibly looking stupid didn’t scare me so much anymore.

This is something I wanted to do for me, something I’ve wanted since first walking in those gym doors.  Not to lose weight or get in better shape now that I was single, but because that seed that was planted back in my living room with Gilad was growing.  I had a desire to learn more about what my body could do, and I wanted to do it right.  But most of all, I think I wanted to do something to prove to myself that I wasn’t that weak girl anymore. 

I’ll never forget the day I walked into the gym and stepped out of my comfort zone.  A lot of what I did in those first months of being on my own took courage, but this step changed my life forever. I found more than a trainer, I found something I was in deep need of at the time. A welcoming face, an encouraging smile, and someone waiting simply to care for me.  It wasn’t about the workouts; it was the care and encouragement of my trainer that made all the difference.

It was then that I decided to become a personal trainer. I wanted to walk alongside women like me who didn’t feel comfortable or capable in a gym atmosphere.  I wanted to be that encouraging smile and that welcoming hello.  I wanted to give to others what my trainer so naturally gave me. 

And yes, I wanted to help them get strong, to remind them of their ability to grow and change and take on hard things. I got stronger and I won’t lie and tell you it didn’t help me feel better about myself, it did, just when I needed it most. 

I look back now and am in awe of what God has done with this wimpy girl.  You should know that at this point in my story I would say I was a Christian, but I didn’t have much of a relationship with God. This was the beginning of my awareness of my need for a Savior. 

I was alone and it was hard.  I needed something bigger than myself to make it through, and although I had attempted to read my Bible before, I never really understood that God was right there with me. He was patiently waiting for me and it was in this season that I finally turned to Him. 

I will share more about that next time, but I want to underline that I believe God brought me to fitness in a time in my life when this wimpy girl felt especially weak and vulnerable.  And as I trained, I got stronger and as I got stronger, I became more confident. Not because I looked better in a bathing suit, but because I realized that I was capable of hard things.  I was able to grow and change. 

I remember the first time I carried my sleeping daughter upstairs to her bedroom after a long drive home without having to wake her up to walk up the stairs.  It was a moment I will never forget, and although no one was there to celebrate the accomplishment with me, I believe God was there, cheering me on with His version of “You go girl!”

God knew just what this wimpy girl needed and just when she needed it.  He promises to take our broken lives and use them for good and this was just the beginning of me finding out how He does exactly that. 

I hope you’ve seen God’s faithfulness in what I’ve shared here, and I hope in some way you can relate it to your own life.  Below are a few questions to help you go a little deeper, take a few minutes now to answer them.