My daughter, Karen Catherine (KC), was 8 years-old when we sat her down and told her we were divorcing. I’ll never forget the conversation. She listened intently and when we asked if she had questions, she looked at us with tears in her eyes and said, “what if I don’t want this?” We did what we thought was best at the time, forced smiles on our faces and assured her it was going to be okay. This sweet little girl ended up being the spiritual leader of my home for years.
At a young age KC modeled how to love God with all her heart, mind, soul and strength and to love others as herself. She cared deeply for people, raising money and giving selflessly to causes she admired. She was patient and kind. She spent time daily with God. She shined so bright that everyone knew she was different, and she never hid her beliefs to fit in.
People, including her peers and our friends and family, couldn’t help but admire and respect her. She came to Jesus with childlike abandon; she was all-in, and she showed everyone around her the love of Christ simply by being herself.
I have often thought, when I grow up, I want to be just like her.
In the previous post I shared that when I was first divorced, I believed in God but wasn’t walking with Christ. Not that I didn’t try a little here and there. I attempted to read my Bible, went to a few studies, and I attempted to understand the bigger picture. But to be honest, I didn’t get how the words in this book really pertained to me and my life.
You see, growing up I knew nothing about God. When I say nothing, I really mean nothing. I grew up in a hippie, live-and-let-live environment. My parents loved me dearly, and I knew that I was loved, but they didn’t teach me much about God. They were raised Catholic but when they married, decided that their children would choose their own religion, after all it was the 60’s. The most I heard of God was that he was good and loved everyone.
Here’s the thing about growing up without basic knowledge of the Bible story, after a certain age, an already insecure girl trying to fit in simply doesn’t need one more thing to make her feel different.
I felt stupid.
I know it might seem hard to believe but growing up I didn’t understand the basics of what we were celebrating at Christmas. Yes, we had a nativity scene, and I knew there was a baby Jesus, but I didn’t know how the story fit together. As I got older I was ashamed of my ignorance and hated that I wasn’t like everyone else. So, I hid and continued to hide as an adult.
At this point in my journey I didn’t think much about why my life didn’t mirror KC’s, but I was sure proud of what I saw God doing in and through her. I knew I wanted more of what she had, but I was simply trying to survive my new day to day. Trying to navigate living alone as a newly divorced woman and spending a lot of time worrying about my future.
I was too busy and wrapped up in my own drama to notice, but I believe God was planting seeds of faith in my life and using my daughter to do it. He hadn’t forgotten about me.
God was there, patiently waiting. I was almost ready, almost ready to look up.
Here’s just a small list of some of the things that I learned from witnessing KC’s relationship with God. He has used her in a mighty way in my life and I am forever grateful for the gift of being her mom.
1. Make my relationship with God my first priority.
When Jesus was asked, which is the most important commandment he said. “The most important one is this, Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” Mark 12: 28-30
- Take the focus off myself.
And the second this: “Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:31
- Love is not about me.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
- Be bold, stop hiding.
“You are the light of the world. A town build on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on a stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.” Matthew 5:14-16
I love to journal and highly recommend you write your answers down.
- Do you have a child in your life that approaches God with an all-in, childlike faith? What qualities do you see in them that God wants to develop in you?
- If you are still seeking after a relationship with God, how have you tried to learn more about Him? Have you struggled to come out of hiding and seek Him openly? What do you think you need to continue to grow your faith?
- Take a few minutes to pray (talk to God) about your relationship with Him and how being “all-in” could affect your health and wellness journey.
I love you so much. Thank you for your honest and your vulnerability!
Well, that’s kinda how I roll 🙂 Love you too, friend.
Lauren, that is just amazing! KC is special. Her grandma was special in much the same way. Karen was gentle and kind, bringing so much love to those around her. I remember meeting KC when she was little and there was such a sweetness about her! I even commented later that there was something very special about that little girl.
You may not realize, but you have been a source of strength for me as I follow you on FB. I see God in your words and photos you share. The fact you project a very humanistic side is so encouraging.
It’s interesting how we learn from our children. Those little beings God gave us.
Thank you Jerrianne, that means a lot to me. I know I never met Karen, but I feel like a know her through the stories and memories I’ve heard. I’m so glad you are being encouraged in some small way through what God has led me to share here.