As I considered what to write next, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I left my story unfinished.  An unfinished story.  Isn’t that true of all of us?  Our lives are a story being written daily, a beautiful novel in which we are the main characters moving through the chapters often unaware of our role until we take a few moments to look back and see our drama, adventure, or love story unfold.

Writing this blog has forced me to take time to look back and see my story.  And I wouldn’t have taken the time to do that had I not been benched.  Yes, benched.  I am in a season of sitting on the bench of my life; you might say I’m on the injured list.  I’m sitting on the bench watching others do what I believe God has made me to do.  And it’s been rough.

Maybe you can think of a time when you’ve had to sit on the bench, either literally or figuratively.  If you were on a sports team your job on the bench was to be a good sport, cheer on your team, and continue to craft your skill as best as you can while sitting out.  It takes a lot of humility and patience to sit on the bench.

It happened gradually for me, but over the past two years I’ve slowly and often stubbornly, had to let go of the things in my life that I believed made me who I am.

The strength I found in the gym.  Gone.

The pleasure of training others. Gone.

The closeness I felt to God as I trained for my first ½ marathon on the streets of my neighborhood.  Gone.

The joy I experienced banging drumsticks in a Rev Fit class.  Gone.

And the delight of marrying my love of fitness and worship while teaching my own Rev Fit classes.  Gone.

Because of my current physical challenges, overtime I’ve had to let all of those things go – I’m benched.  And although I’ve had more pity parties than I want to admit, in this moment I can say the gains are outweighing the cost.

I’m not going to lie – it’s been a hard couple of years, probably the most difficult of my life.  I miss the things on that list more than words can say.  The pain I’ve experienced has at times been excruciating but as is often the case, the most painful times in our lives are the biggest times of growth.  And I am most definitely growing.  I am growing in meekness, dependence on God, and most importantly, I’m growing in my belief that God is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do.

“Faithful and absolutely trustworthy is He who is calling you (to Himself for your salvation), and He will do it (He will fulfill His call by making you holy, guarding you, watching over you, and protecting you as His own).”                                            1 Thessalonians 5:24 AMP

Or more simply put – “The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.”  NIV

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve asked God why and haven’t heard a direct answer.  I don’t know why my prayers for healing haven’t been answered and I don’t know why I’m sitting on the bench.  But I do know every time I asked what was next for me, I felt this nagging pull to write.  I resisted it for a long time (over a year), but eventually my fears and concerns began to fade, and I found myself here at my computer pouring out the words placed on my heart for you all to read.

Perhaps my unfinished story has a very different ending than I first imagined.  Perhaps God has a different plan for me.  Maybe for you as well.

Maybe you too, are with me on the bench of your life and it’s hard to see the purpose behind the loss you’ve experienced or the pain you’ve endured. Or maybe you’re in the game, giving it your all and running your best play.  Either way, your story is unfolding with a purpose.  And you can trust, no matter what it looks like at this moment, that the author is busy at work crafting something designed just for you.

Are you looking for it?  Are you trusting the One who is faithful, who promises to give you life and life to the full?

Our stories may not unfold as we imagined, our bodies may not perform like they used to or they may not be aging as we hoped, there are simply some things beyond our control.  Control – now that’s a topic we could sink our teeth into, but not today.

Today I want to leave you with this.  I am learning that trust is the key. Trusting the one who created you, who knows every thought before you have it and every ache before you feel it.  When we trust our Creator, we can be assured that each chapter in our story is written on purpose for a purpose regardless of what we see now.

But we can’t trust someone until we know who they are.  We can’t trust someone until we believe they want the best for us, they won’t leave us, and they won’t hurt us. We can’t trust someone until we know how much we are loved by them.

That’s why I’m writing today.  I desperately want you to know how much you are loved by the God of the universe who created you and has a plan for your life.  He knew you before He formed you in your mother’s womb and He knows you now.

Knowing God’s love for us is very personal, and I know a few words from me won’t convince you if you are questioning it.  But it’s probably not a surprise for you to hear that I believe God is working in everything.  And maybe, just maybe you are reading this for a reason.  Maybe my words are specifically for you.

He loves you.  He loves you because He is love.  He chose you.  And because of His unfailing love, you can trust Him.  And when you do, that peace you keep hearing about – peace beyond understanding, it will come.

Here’s where the rubber meets the road.

Can we let go of the way we think our lives, our bodies, and our health should be and trust the true author of our story?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we sit back and do nothing.  We need to do all the things we know to do to take care of ourselves, but after doing all the things, there comes a time to let the story unfold and surrender to the author.

Sitting on the bench has given me time to sharpen some pretty priceless skills such as faith, trust, surrender, and humility.  Sitting on the bench has opened my eyes to others who are also benched and living in pain with no end in sight.  I’m embarrassed to admit I never really considered them before, but now I see them and can never un-see them.

My heart has been softened, my faith has grown, and because of this season on the bench I have learned to know and trust God’s love for me in a deep and tangible way.  I’m betting if you’ve ever sat on the bench you can say the same.

I believe the author of our story is faithful.  I believe He loves us and is using ALL things for good in our lives.  My hope is even if you can’t say that with certainty that you will stick around as my story continues to unfold.  I think I’m hopeful and expectant enough for both of us.

Photo by Krists Luhaers on Unsplash